I did an interesting thing Sunday morning, around 2am. I came home from liming by the bar, and was looking for an interesting yet concise way to summarise my night into my FB status. What came out was a simple 3-line conversation that I supposedly had with God, over some drinks. While I know this style is used heavily in I Just Febrezed My Dog and 365 Days of Silence, I do remember at least reserving the right to borrow his style for at least 1 posting, from Mr. Ross. Now if this offends you, sorry, it wasn't meant to. And bear with me, this is my first attempt at a "script", so please be gentle with the criticism, :). So that being said:
Thru God and Beers (Or in my case, JWB)
Setting: An upscale bar… Chad drinking JWB, God drinking red wine…
Chad Hall: (looking slightly lost and forlorn) *Sigh*
God: (struggling to contain laughter) I dunno what yuh sighing and looking like yuh dog dead for, yuh know. I fed up talk to yuh.
CH: And? Yuh point is?
God: Yuh blinking harden, dat is meh point. Right now you running like a “B”-movie. The story now start, and I already seeing how it going to end.
CH: Oh really? And how this going to play out?
God: Come nah man. All yuh peoples seeing it. Sin seeing it, Wiles seeing it, Ko seeing it. Hell, I pretty sure Ze and Ging seeing it and would tell yuh, but Google doh have a canine-to-english translator. You really not seeing it?
CH: Yuh know, I’m glad one of us seeing the comedy in this…
God: So I’m supposed to deny my sense of humor because you being stubborn and playing the ass? How that helping me or you? Because I trying to teach you a life-lesson, doesn’t mean I can’t laugh at the situation. Ah mean, the situation funny and you did create it…
CH: (Watching God strangely at the use of the word “ass”)
God: What? Because allyuh make “ass” a kinda “dirty” word, I can’t use it? I have a book with the word printed about 3 million and one times in it. Look, allyuh ‘llow me, eh…
CH: See? Is dat kinda outta timing… I does really wonder how we does lime sometimes yuh know…
God: Cuz is ah love. And I look out for you. And yuh owe meh more favors than yuh think. And you does invite me to lime, anyway. With that, your rounds. And get some bread to go with the wine this time, feeling a bit peckish…
End scene…
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5 months ago
Ah love it.
ReplyDeleteI have conversations with God too, it's mostly me--talking him to death. I need to do what you do and listen.
See in a conversation like this it's would be the opposite. I would yap his ear off. You taught me a valuable less here Hall, listening....I need to listen to hear what God is saying. :-)
Whoa... Let's slow down shawty. I don't know if I've quite learned how to listen just yet. But I do hear him. Let's call it a work in progress, :)
ReplyDeletedefinitely an eye (or ear) opener dude... this segment must continue! keep writing
ReplyDeletewell... there goes yuh one sanctioned tief! from the end result, ah grant yuh unlimited tiefs. i eh own dat anyway. hahaha.
ReplyDeletebut good entry bro. ah have a few criticisms:
1. de disclaimer at the beginning. do yuh ting, doh be sorry an make excuse. who vex lorse! iz your blog!!!!
2. i doh think if there is a god and god is a man, he would say "...playing the ass". i think he would say "...forming de ass".
3. i also think he would not drink red wine. i think an almighty being would chase his black russians with guinness.
4. considering when he sent his son, his son headed straight for the gully, i think he would encourage yuh to lime by daybreak, sylberts or rock bottom pub instead of by de upscale bar.
wuh yuh tink??
hmmm... yuh give mih ah good idea for an entry. haha. i'll let yuh know when it up.
ReplyDeleteLmao. Aight sir. For Items 1 and 2, I agree completely, and the changes shall be adopted for future installments. For Item 3, while that concoction is definitley the drink of choice of superior beings, the simple symbolism of God nursing a glass of red win is poignant, non? And I thought about 4 when I was setting it long and hard, for your same reasons, but then I figured which one of those kinda bars go be serving red wine????
ReplyDeleteWe waiting with bated breath sir...