PPPPPAAAAATTTTTTSSSSSSSYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Silence…

I have been quiet for a bit. And I’m not sure why. While I haven’t lost the urge to write, I find myself pausing mid-post. I find myself second-guessing what I want to say. And to be honest, I haven’t had much to say recently. Everything sounds unoriginal or, worse yet, clichéd. I would say that my muse has gone silent, except for the fact that I don’t really think I ever had a muse in the first. My rantings and ravings tend to be largely emotionally driven. And my emotions are largely in check these days. To postulate succinctly, I think I may have found a measure of peace. And that may be the worst thing that ever happened to this blog…

In the past year and a half, all kinds of random topics have graced this space. My self-destructive tendencies in so far as my relationships are concerned. A bit of my political leanings. My stance on religion. Hell, I’ve even posted videos of video game music that i love. Some of it has been filler for those times when i really struggled to come up with topics. Other times, I literally poured my heart out into this public arena. And it worked. For awhile. Then I started looking back at my postings. While many of my ramblings were cathartic, they also had another unintended purpose. The kept the wound that they were supposed to close fresh and raw. In short, the more I wrote, the longer my pain took to dissipate. So I stopped sharing it, and just let what I had written before stand as the final say. I decided to move on. And a funny thing happened. I did move on. I also adopted a new outlook. I no longer stress and worry over those things that I cannot control. And I feel lighter for it. (In an ironic twist, my genetic predisposition to hypertension has now decided that it wants to kick in. If it ain’t one thing…)

So what does this all mean? I’m not quite sure. A two-night stand of mine has claimed that i no longer “excite” her with my new attitude. While that little revelation may be an unintended benefit, what I also know is that my writing has suffered as an unexpected drawback. Why? Because while it would be extreme to say that I no longer care about the things that moved me before, I would agree that, to a point, I no longer have the same passion. And that worries me a bit. My girlfriend insists that writing is like riding a bicycle. You never really lose the skill, you just get rusty. So this is me taking those first tentative pedals all over again. Let’s see where this goes.

And no this was not meant to “excite” anyone…

Testing…

Testing a new editor, folk…