PPPPPAAAAATTTTTTSSSSSSSYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Silence…

I have been quiet for a bit. And I’m not sure why. While I haven’t lost the urge to write, I find myself pausing mid-post. I find myself second-guessing what I want to say. And to be honest, I haven’t had much to say recently. Everything sounds unoriginal or, worse yet, clichéd. I would say that my muse has gone silent, except for the fact that I don’t really think I ever had a muse in the first. My rantings and ravings tend to be largely emotionally driven. And my emotions are largely in check these days. To postulate succinctly, I think I may have found a measure of peace. And that may be the worst thing that ever happened to this blog…

In the past year and a half, all kinds of random topics have graced this space. My self-destructive tendencies in so far as my relationships are concerned. A bit of my political leanings. My stance on religion. Hell, I’ve even posted videos of video game music that i love. Some of it has been filler for those times when i really struggled to come up with topics. Other times, I literally poured my heart out into this public arena. And it worked. For awhile. Then I started looking back at my postings. While many of my ramblings were cathartic, they also had another unintended purpose. The kept the wound that they were supposed to close fresh and raw. In short, the more I wrote, the longer my pain took to dissipate. So I stopped sharing it, and just let what I had written before stand as the final say. I decided to move on. And a funny thing happened. I did move on. I also adopted a new outlook. I no longer stress and worry over those things that I cannot control. And I feel lighter for it. (In an ironic twist, my genetic predisposition to hypertension has now decided that it wants to kick in. If it ain’t one thing…)

So what does this all mean? I’m not quite sure. A two-night stand of mine has claimed that i no longer “excite” her with my new attitude. While that little revelation may be an unintended benefit, what I also know is that my writing has suffered as an unexpected drawback. Why? Because while it would be extreme to say that I no longer care about the things that moved me before, I would agree that, to a point, I no longer have the same passion. And that worries me a bit. My girlfriend insists that writing is like riding a bicycle. You never really lose the skill, you just get rusty. So this is me taking those first tentative pedals all over again. Let’s see where this goes.

And no this was not meant to “excite” anyone…

Testing…

Testing a new editor, folk…

Soul Sounds: Super Castlevania IV OST, Stage 3-3: The Submerged City

Yes I know it's just instrumental. Yes, I know it's a video game. Yes, I know it's the background music from a stage for said video game. Yes, I know said video game came out in 1991, when I was just 11 years old. But the music was so smooth and so jazzy, so ahead of its time in terms of technological achievement for gaming at that time, that it stimulated my love of jazz. So without further ado...

Castlevania IV OST: The Submerged City...

Soul Reasonings: The Soundtrack... (updated)

(Updated with links for songs...)

I will probably try to add links later. No guarantees...


Nina Simone. Lupe Fiasco. Kanye West. Groove Armada. Nickelback. Ghostface Killah. All musicians. And they come from different genres. So what do they all have in common? Well beyond the fact that they combine to take up a healthy chunk of space on my hard drive, they all have songs that I related to heavily at certain points in my life. (I can already hear you saying, Ghostface Killah? Yep, Ghostface Killah.) I have a saying that I use all the time. It falls along the lines that my life could be set to a soundtrack (or used as a script for a soap). Problem is that I never have defined that soundtrack (and I am damn sure not writing a script). Well, I have finally decided to try and fix that little issue. I have taken the last decade of my life, and split it up into 3 separate eras, and listed the songs that remind me most of what I was going through at the point in time. These are not necessarily songs that were popular at the point in time. So you may find that a song that came out last year is filed under a time period much earlier. Some songs also have more meaning than others. This list is in no way meant to be comprehensive. (Hell, I had enough trouble narrowing it down to this). But I think in this little sample, I managed to capture the essence of my experiences in song. So without further ado, the soundtrack of a soul reasoner:


2000-2003: The College Years

Jermaine Dupri & Ludacris – Welcome to Atlanta
Asher Roth – I Love College
Kanye West – School Spirit
Bounty Killer & Wayne Marshall – Sufferer
Monica – Angel of Mine
Tupac – Do For Love
Nickleback - Figured You Out
Bounty Killer ft. Robin – Love Don’t Live Here Anymore
Kanye West – Heartless
Angie Stone – No More Rain
Uncle Sam – I Don’t Ever Wanna See You Again

2004-2007: Back Home

Kanye West ft. Chris Martin - Homecoming
TLC – Damaged
Nina Simone – Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood
The Verve – Bittersweet Symphony
Kanye West – Roses
Tupac – Dear Mama
Mos Def – Umi Says
Common – The Light
Common – Black Maybe
Lit – My Own Worst Enemy
John Mayer – Dreaming with a Broken Heart

2008-2010: Rebirth, Reflection, Renewal

Dionne Farris – Hopeless
Lupe Fiasco - Sunshine
Kem – Can’t Stop Loving You
D’Angelo – I’ve Found My Smile Again
Evanescence – Call Me When You’re Sober
Ghostface Killah ft. “Radio” Raheem Davaughn – Do Over
Groove Armada – Hands of Time
Lifehouse - Broken
Switchfoot – Dare You To Move
Lupe Fiasco – Kick, Push Pt’s 1&2
The Roots – How I Got Over
B.O.B ft. Bruno Mars – Nothin’ On You
Outkast – The Train


Pharrell said in "Us-Placers": "I wonder how God is gonna paint today's canvas..."
Well, I can only wonder what new songs are gonna be added to my soundtrack, before it comes to an end....

When Life Takes Over...

Arghhhh!!!!

Can I get 5 free mins to write a friggin proper post??? Please????

Muthaf*%&a!!!!

*end rant*

Life Without Words...

I'm back...but not with a flourish. I've slipped back into this space the same way I slipped out, very quietly.

I owe my few readers an apology. I haven't felt very motivated to write the past couple of months. I felt what I had to say wasn't very relevant, was cliched, or even worse than being cliched, was just plain old. So I stopped. I fell back into that old habit of internalizing everything. And a familiar thing started back happening last week. I started feeling depressed again.

I'm not depressive, mind you. But what I realise now, is that when I don't get my shit out, it starts weighing on me. And for the life of me I could not figure that out. Then my girlfriend (and Spotty Cuss too) asked me the magic question: "why have you stopped writing?" And I finally came to answer today. I stopped, because I grew scared. And when I stopped writing, I stopped giving myself an outlet for my frustrations and my thoughts. I realised that my depression, was my own damn fault.

So once again, I have raised my voice. If you don't think it's relevant, I'm sorry, but fuck it and fuck you. I've realised that more than just wanting to do this, or liking doing this, I need to do this.

So I'm back, and pulling no punches.

Welcome back, bitches...