Batman v Superman, or Balls vs Sh*t? (Light Spoilers)

There is not gonna be a pretty preamble for this one because, to be quite honest, there is a lot to unpack here and I don't have all night. So let me start by saying that this movie was a bag of shit. An industrial-sized, crocus bag for that matter. I don't know what the hell went on here, but someone has a lot of explaining to do. For the purposes of this piece, I am going to assume that you either saw the movie, or had it spoiled by someone who was so disappointed by the movie, that they attempted to save you the pain of shelling out money to see it.If not, and you're still here, let me be that person.

There are a number of reviews online where the review complains of being bored with the movie.  Fortunately, I did not have that issue. Instead, I was too busy being confused by some of the plot choices to have time to complain about being bored. I mean I could go in depth into the specific problems with the editing, directing and pacing (my good friend Stacy does an excellent job of tackling this on her blog), but I really don't have the time or the patience. What I will complain about, is the lack of respect that Zack Snyder appears to have for his source material.

Throughout the movie, Zack Snyder makes creative decisions that range from puzzling, to confusing, to bizarre, to infuriating. If you didn't know better, you would swear that Wikipedia was his go-to source for research on the material. When the director's reason for killing off a beloved character (within the first half-hour) is "lulz", you may be dealing with someone who needed to spend a bit more time researching the source material. The way that he mashes together years of lore and disparate events from different comics, with no apparent regard for how those story lines may fit together, borders on the batshit insane. (Pun intended). And speaking of batshit insane...

I am going to reiterate this point again. Someone in the creative team of Zack Snyder, David Goyer and Scott Terrio needs to pick up a comic book and do their research. I'm not sure I have ever seen a movie get the spiritual essence of its main characters this wrong. I spent a fair portion of the movie audibly going, "well, he's dead. And he's dead. Goddammit, Bruce..." The first time that Batman shot up a vehicle, causing it to explode, with the occupants still inside, I flinched. Visibly. The same thing happened when Superman punched a warlord through a wall. If Superman is punching you hard enough to put you through a concrete wall, you are not getting up. Ever. And therein lies the problem. These guys do not kill. It is a fundamental part of who they are. It is more than their code, it is the fiber of their being. Hell, it's specifically cited as as a weakness of Batman's when he is confronting the Joker. So to watch Batman killing thugs willy-nilly surpasses being jarring. It's cringe-worthy in this case. Oh, and and before I forget about the Joker...

Jesse Eisenberg is a supremely talented actor. The energy that he brings to characters can be absolutely fascinating. He is also woefully miscast as Lex Luthor in this movie. Oh sorry, did I say Lex Luthor? I meant Lex Luthor Jr. (Another change because, reasons). This casting choice is pretty easy to break down however. It is clear that Eisenberg's Lex is meant to invoke memories of Ledger's Joker, replete with vague motivations and twitchy energy that is meant to unnerve the audience. But where Ledger's Joker was a menacing character, who intimidated and unsettled viewers every time he appeared on screen, this Luthor comes across as...petulant. In The Dark Knight you got the sense that Batman had met his match, while here, you are not quite sure what Batman and Superman have met. You also have no idea of what are his motivations. They change from one scene to the next, and seem to serve no purpose beyond having the character appear bombastic and smart, when they really just make him seem bombastic and shallow. This is epitomized in his final scene where after being given his classic look, instead of exuding power and menace, this Lex exudes...pouty-ness. It is a weird thing indeed.

I could go on and on about the missteps and issues with this movie. When it was first announced, both Stacy and I cringed. Following on the heel of (the mediocre in my opinion) Man of Steel, Batman v. Superman was supposed to be DC/WB's shortcut to a massively, successful film franchise, which would rival the cultural behemoth that is the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Who needs to world-build, when you have Bats, Supes and Wonder Woman (who is hands down the best part of this movie)? It was the gamble that couldn't miss. Well, in making that gamble, DC needed someone who could handle this movie with subtlety. And they may have hitched their wagon to the one director who doesn't deal in subtlety. That may be a truly sad thing, because all the strength of Superman, and ingenuity of Batman, combined with all the money in the world may not be able to save this franchise.