Rehab...

This was written on a Tuesday morning, hence the weird timeline... This post is especially open to opinions and theories. Bring it, and we'll discuss it...

As I have mentioned way too many times before, the Spotty Cuss and I have a true big brother-little sister relationship. She purposefully does things to annoy the hell out of me, like bbm’ing me (Blackberry-messaging for the uninitiated) at ridiculous hours of the morning because she can’t sleep, and probably because her S.O. learned long ago what I’m now figuring out to do (basically, if it ain’t a call, the only tone to leave on, on your berry, is the alarm). I try to share wisdom when it’s needed, and let her figure stuff out on her own when it’s warranted. So when she bbm’ed me this morning that she hated Tuesdays more than Mondays, I had to inform her that Tuesday is like the second stage of rehab. And with that the light bulb went on. What if the work week really is like rehab? What if the weekend is a drug that we have to be weaned off? What would be the stages? How would this work???? Before I could let the idea percolate properly, or finish my bbm convo with cuss (seriously, she is still bbm’ing me right now), I opened a new Word document. So here we have it, the work week in terms of rehab:


Monday – Denial/Withdrawal

What? The weekend can’t be over. Just yesterday, I had a bake and shark in meh hand, meh toes in the sand, and ah cool sea breeze caressing me and the land. Steups, why Monday had to come, dread? I really had to come to work this morning???? And that’s how Mondays go. You don’t want to really come to work. The weekend doesn’t feel as though it should be over. You’re wishing for that one last blowout, to round out the fun that just ended. You’re still in that weekend flow. The reality is now setting in. You’re hoping the feel-good factor lasts you at least through the rest of the day…

Tuesday – Full Blown Withdrawal

I submit this case study to back up my point (submitted by patient K. Hall):

Disclaimer: It is one of those days, so for the next 8 or so hours, I will be saying some random ass shit that may offend. Doh take it on. If you do however take it on, Fuck off, I couldn’t care less!

This kind of shit only tends to happen on Tuesdays. You’re cranky and irritable. You may or may not have a migraine from the ass-wipe in IT who can’t fix that problem with your PC that your 4-year old could fix, McGuyver-style, with a paperclip, some scotch tape, and one of those disposable paper cups from the water cooler. In 2 mins 43secs, to boot. Your boss may be in line to make the evening news in a missing persons report due to the fact he just fucked up your schedule for the week. In short, the residual euphoria you had on Monday, is now completely gone, with no relief in sight. Oh yes, Sol, there shall be fucking murders… (and if you need help with that reference, you need to pick up a copy of Snatch. Now.)

Wednesday – Acceptance

Ahhh, Wednesday. You’ve made it past the worst part of your weekend withdrawal. You are now in state of ambivalence. You may be in full flight work mode. Your productivity may never be higher. You’re tearing through that stack of paper work, like a hot knife thought butter. Your focus is impeccable. Why? Cuz the weekend is firmly in your rear view mirror now. That shit is gone, bed-rock, immutable. You’re fully focused on the tasks in front of you. You’re Gordon Gecko on a $100 speedball. Man, you’re so engrossed in your shit, that you don’t even realize when the work day ends. Which brings us to…

Thursday – Craving

Thursday, is very similar to Wednesday. You have that same drive. Your focus is still there. Except, there is one little thing. Smokers who are trying to quit, know what that one thing is. It’s that pesky feeling you get, when you’re stressed, or when you come into the vicinity of other smokers, who are enjoying a cig. You start thinking, “God, I could really use a blends…” Well, Thursday is that craving. I mean, the cig/urge to start liming that afternoon is right there.  I mean, one little pull/lime won’t hurt, would it? Nah, it wouldn’t. It’s just…one…little…

Friday – Relapse

It’s FFFFFFFRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIDDDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!
Submit yourself to the bestial carnality of the carefree emotion that is the beginning of a new weekend. Embrace it. Revel in it. Love it. Hold it like a long-awaited lover, who has just jumped off a plane for the first time in years. Make it yours. Nuff said.

And then, brace for the crash all over again when Monday comes. That guilty feeling of having fallen off the wagon, and indulging yourself to excess. The familiarity of the need for the high that is Saturday and Sunday all over again. Hmmm. Maybe cuss does have a point. Ah frack it. Now I hate fracking Tuesday’s too, goddammit. Thanks, Cuss... :s

He's My God, and I'll Praise Him Out Loud if I Want To...

I try to keep the subject of religion out of this space. In my opinion, religion is one of the most divisive influences in society today. That’s the major reason why you will always hear me say that I am spiritual, not necessarily religious. I am not ashamed of my religion, mind you. I proudly plan to leave this physical realm an Anglican (be it practicing or non-practicing). I also respect everyone else’s religious beliefs. Unquestioningly. However, every now and again, someone comes along who feels the need to try and impose their doctrine on me. And each and every time, it unerringly makes me want to slap the shit out of them. I had one such moment about a month ago.


My idea of God is a bit unconventional (see here for an idea and here for a visual). I see him as a more of a benevolent father-figure, guiding us through life with our best interests in mind, than a fire-and-brimstone wielding tyrant, waiting to strike us down at the slightest indiscretion. That does not mean that I believe not listening to him is without consequence. There are always ramifications. I just believe he is way more loving and forgiving than a lot of people give him credit for. So with that mindset, I posted the following FB status one day:

“Chad Hall thinks that God should stick to his day job, cuz he sucks as a comedian.”

I got some comments of course, most of them of the concerned variety. And then came the comment that literally made me want to perpetrate the above-mentioned violence on the poster:

FB “Friend”: “some things are better left unsaid…”

(ok, gimme a sec, fighting urge to rant uncontrollably in uncommonly foul language…)

(…)

(and I’m good...)

I won’t even begin to address the fact that this person came on to MY fb page, to tell me that I shouldn’t post MY thoughts and MY beliefs there. That goes without saying. The part that really drove my ire, is the implication that because my beliefs don’t dovetail nicely with theirs, they are irrelevant and thus should not even be aired in open. In short, due to their belief, they are superior to me. Really? Is that how it works now? I’m not allowed to even question God anymore? Really? Not even a “God, where are you going with this?” I’m not doubting his method, ya know, I’m just asking politely. The last time I checked, Job told God he sucked once. And look how it worked out for him. So, is that what’s really popping in the streets now? Your way is the only way, so I should just shut the hell up about what my beliefs are? Wow…

The sad thing is that stuff like this is not an isolated event even today. In this age of freedom and equal rights, there are still people who place their personal religious beliefs over the basic human rights of other people. I constantly get into arguments with co-workers over simple matters like gay rights. For example, the image above is largely used to represent spiritualism, instead of any one religion. It signifies, to me, that all religions have their pluses and minuses. Even though the bedrock of my belief is Christianity, that does not mean that I hold those tenets to be superior to any other religion or faith. I also have the image as the background on my phone. I showed it to a co-worker who is staunchly catholic. He recoiled as though I had just shown him a pentagram. When I asked him what the issue was, his response was that the image struck him as being “weird”. I guess the implication that I wasn’t strictly beholden to any one particular set of religious ideals, but a basic cornucopia with Christianity as the foundation, unsettled him. In short, I put him outside his comfort zone religiously, and his instant reaction was to reject (to the point where he physically reacted) the notion that there may be other ideas of what God might be like outside of what he believes. And I find that strangely sad and depressing.

I am not trying to get anyone to change their beliefs. I am not trying to start a movement. Hell, you don’t even have to agree with what I believe. I don’t care. My beliefs are exactly that: my beliefs. I am finding my own path to God and Godliness, you need to find yours. But do not tell me that my faith is irrelevant because it does not follow your tenets. Do not assert authority over me because my vision of God does not fit nicely into your doctrine. Even a hate-mongerer is entitled to his opinion, and the right to express it (as long as he's tasteful). You don’t know for sure, as much as I don’t know for sure. That’s why it’s called a belief and not a fact. But I’ll leave you with this little messed up thought: for all the time you spend beating down my beliefs, and thumping your chest and your Bible while pushing your religious fervor on me, what if we’re both wrong, and the Jehovah Witnesses* were right all along????

*Witnesses believe that only 144,000 of us are getting into heaven. Period. Total. Don't ask me about the math.