Rehab...

This was written on a Tuesday morning, hence the weird timeline... This post is especially open to opinions and theories. Bring it, and we'll discuss it...

As I have mentioned way too many times before, the Spotty Cuss and I have a true big brother-little sister relationship. She purposefully does things to annoy the hell out of me, like bbm’ing me (Blackberry-messaging for the uninitiated) at ridiculous hours of the morning because she can’t sleep, and probably because her S.O. learned long ago what I’m now figuring out to do (basically, if it ain’t a call, the only tone to leave on, on your berry, is the alarm). I try to share wisdom when it’s needed, and let her figure stuff out on her own when it’s warranted. So when she bbm’ed me this morning that she hated Tuesdays more than Mondays, I had to inform her that Tuesday is like the second stage of rehab. And with that the light bulb went on. What if the work week really is like rehab? What if the weekend is a drug that we have to be weaned off? What would be the stages? How would this work???? Before I could let the idea percolate properly, or finish my bbm convo with cuss (seriously, she is still bbm’ing me right now), I opened a new Word document. So here we have it, the work week in terms of rehab:


Monday – Denial/Withdrawal

What? The weekend can’t be over. Just yesterday, I had a bake and shark in meh hand, meh toes in the sand, and ah cool sea breeze caressing me and the land. Steups, why Monday had to come, dread? I really had to come to work this morning???? And that’s how Mondays go. You don’t want to really come to work. The weekend doesn’t feel as though it should be over. You’re wishing for that one last blowout, to round out the fun that just ended. You’re still in that weekend flow. The reality is now setting in. You’re hoping the feel-good factor lasts you at least through the rest of the day…

Tuesday – Full Blown Withdrawal

I submit this case study to back up my point (submitted by patient K. Hall):

Disclaimer: It is one of those days, so for the next 8 or so hours, I will be saying some random ass shit that may offend. Doh take it on. If you do however take it on, Fuck off, I couldn’t care less!

This kind of shit only tends to happen on Tuesdays. You’re cranky and irritable. You may or may not have a migraine from the ass-wipe in IT who can’t fix that problem with your PC that your 4-year old could fix, McGuyver-style, with a paperclip, some scotch tape, and one of those disposable paper cups from the water cooler. In 2 mins 43secs, to boot. Your boss may be in line to make the evening news in a missing persons report due to the fact he just fucked up your schedule for the week. In short, the residual euphoria you had on Monday, is now completely gone, with no relief in sight. Oh yes, Sol, there shall be fucking murders… (and if you need help with that reference, you need to pick up a copy of Snatch. Now.)

Wednesday – Acceptance

Ahhh, Wednesday. You’ve made it past the worst part of your weekend withdrawal. You are now in state of ambivalence. You may be in full flight work mode. Your productivity may never be higher. You’re tearing through that stack of paper work, like a hot knife thought butter. Your focus is impeccable. Why? Cuz the weekend is firmly in your rear view mirror now. That shit is gone, bed-rock, immutable. You’re fully focused on the tasks in front of you. You’re Gordon Gecko on a $100 speedball. Man, you’re so engrossed in your shit, that you don’t even realize when the work day ends. Which brings us to…

Thursday – Craving

Thursday, is very similar to Wednesday. You have that same drive. Your focus is still there. Except, there is one little thing. Smokers who are trying to quit, know what that one thing is. It’s that pesky feeling you get, when you’re stressed, or when you come into the vicinity of other smokers, who are enjoying a cig. You start thinking, “God, I could really use a blends…” Well, Thursday is that craving. I mean, the cig/urge to start liming that afternoon is right there.  I mean, one little pull/lime won’t hurt, would it? Nah, it wouldn’t. It’s just…one…little…

Friday – Relapse

It’s FFFFFFFRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIDDDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!
Submit yourself to the bestial carnality of the carefree emotion that is the beginning of a new weekend. Embrace it. Revel in it. Love it. Hold it like a long-awaited lover, who has just jumped off a plane for the first time in years. Make it yours. Nuff said.

And then, brace for the crash all over again when Monday comes. That guilty feeling of having fallen off the wagon, and indulging yourself to excess. The familiarity of the need for the high that is Saturday and Sunday all over again. Hmmm. Maybe cuss does have a point. Ah frack it. Now I hate fracking Tuesday’s too, goddammit. Thanks, Cuss... :s