“37. E-mail, text and talk on the phone to completely cool woman who is back in Toronto. Realise there is room for growth if you let it. Realise that she lives in another country. Realise you are still emotionally invested in your ex. Realise that you are dangerously close to recreating every single horrible relationship decision you have ever made.” – Chad Hall, 43 Ways to drive yourself Bat Shit Crazy…
I hate quoting myself.
There are 2 fundamental problems with quoting yourself. Firstly, it makes you sound like an over-inflated, self-righteous, pompous asswipe. And no, you do not get bonus points for pointing out that maintaining an online blog is almost as bad. The other issue is that, depending on the quote you opt to use, you have just immortalised how much of an idiot you really are. Especially, if you maintain an online blog. (Yes, I’m beginning to realize a blog of this nature is a double-edged sword. But it’s like crack! I can’t stop!! HELP!!!) Then, there are the few moments of true enlightenment, when the earth, sun, moon and stars all align, and you know that you have stumbled upon an honest-to-goodness moment of clarity, a sliver of time where, for just a nanosecond, everything makes sense, and capture that moment in script. Well, the above quote definitely was NOT one of those moments. It was a moment of angst and anxiety, a cry for sanity in period mark by insanity. And surprisingly, I got it.
Ok, so I have a girlfriend. So what? My cousin swears that I change girlfriends faster than I change cell phones. A co-worker believes my anthem should be “On To The Next One.” My other cousin gets told he needs to explore options and not always look to settle down so fast. I get told to quit the shit and just settle down. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to set a record. I will willingly admit that I have suffered from happy feet in the past. Of course, I have also been “blessed” with some true crazies in past. And I mean certifiably insane. So, what makes this one different? Well, besides the fact that I haven’t given anyone a new nickname in some months (hence the title, tho Spotty Cuss has outed her real name), let’s start with the fact that I am actively flouting one of my cardinal rules of dating.
In The Triniyute Guide to Dating, rule #5 (or is it #12???) states that long-term, long-distance relationships never work. I would go into the details, but that would be giving away material that could be used in another post. Well, I’m in Trinidad. She’s in Canada. She has no intention of moving. I don’t see the sense in her moving either. I also don’t see myself moving for at least a couple years. So what’s the sense in pursuing and continuing this relationship? Funny you should ask. I have been blessed recently where I have been involved with some pretty remarkable women. But, and this is no slight on them or a comparison to them, I feel like I have met some one who matches my particular quirks well.
She is smart, witty, beautiful, educated, and has a sense of adventure. (Yes, I hear the yawning). She can take talk like a champ, gives as good as she gets, and is opinionated without being headstrong. (Ok, quit with the yawning, I get the point, clichéd, yada, yada, yada). So I will say this. Only once before have I ever found someone who I felt I could lose myself in, without losing my sense of self. Conversations with her run from the benign, to the banal, to the mind-boggling (and also have lead to an astronomical phone bill. Thank God for Skype). We argue without fighting, and fight without the sense that it is the end of the world. She can be doubtful, yet unafraid. There are layers to her which baffle me, yet draw me nearer. She isn’t perfect (one particular flaw drives me near bat-shit crazy), but in her case, her flaws make her imperfectly perfect. (And before I hear about it, yes, thank you Cee-Lo Green). She makes the decision of conducting a long-term, long-distance relationship, an easy one.
So why the nickname, “Mama Bear”? Well. She is always the responsible one, and taking on that “Mama Bear” role. She always makes sure everyone reaches home safe, always checking that no-one drank too much, always the first to be that shoulder to cry on, or the ear that’s needed. And all she has asked of me to date, is for nothing. She has tried to take on that role with me too, but I refuse to let her (although like me, she can outrageously stubborn). I’m more content to help/let her shine. So, while this relationship has thousands of reasons (and miles) why it shouldn’t work, I can think of one major one why I am willing to take that chance, to sacrifice and try my best to make it work. And her initials are MVM, aka “Mama Bear”.
